Marriage can be without a doubt, one of the most amazing aspects of our lives. Forming a deep, meaningful relationship with a life partner is what we all want. Marriage, like life itself, can be trying, and certainly comes with its ups and downs. When your life is completely intertwined with someone else, every decision you make affects them, and vice versa. This level of sharing is wonderful but it can also be problematic.
Life is always changing, placing new demands on us as individuals, and on our relationships. These changes put marriages to the test, and unfortunately, sometimes lead to separation and divorce. In marriage, as in life, yesterday’s success does not guarantee today’s. You can think of marriage like a sandcastle on the beach. The wind and surf will constantly be wearing it down, so it must be rebuilt again and again.
If your marriage is in trouble, and you fear that it could end and you are wondering how to save your marriage, you are not alone. Most married couples experience periods during which things seem to be deteriorating. As upsetting as this is, it’s important to remember that if you want to keep your marriage alive, you have to be willing to fight for it; to make changes, compromises, and to grow as an individual.Saving Your MarriageLove is a wonderful gift, but it is not one that we get to keep without effort. There are an endless amount of different stresses that can put a relationship on the rocks, but in most of these cases, what is needed to remedy the situation is actually quite similar.
Communication
All relationships are based on communication, and it can be argued that communication skills are crucial to a good marriage. When issues arise in your marriage, remember that it is up to you to facilitate constructive communication as opposed to destructive communication. We all seem to easily fall into patterns of destructive communication, where we attack our partners and blame them for their (past and present) failures. While cathartic, this type of communication only widens the chasm between you and your partner, and can ultimately put an end to your marriage.
Constructive communication, on the other hand, is what’s required to first address the problem clearly, and then come to a mutual agreement about a solution. Of course, this is much easier to theorize about than it is to actually do, as we get caught up in our emotions and often times just want to vent our frustrations in the direction of our partners. It takes a level of maturity to communicate constructively, but it’s a skill that will help your marriage survive the stormy seas when they come.
Compromise
The word we love to hate as it signifies that we will not get our way. The love, affection and commitment of a partner come at a price, and compromise is the only currency it can be paid in. In a perfect world we would always want the same thing as our partner’s do but in this one it is necessary to compromise. Being stubborn will not save your marriage, but giving in a little bit might.
Patience
We all deal with strife in our lives differently. Many marriages fail because partners don’t allow each other the space to have their own reactions to events and feelings. Trying to rush your partner into a decision or pressuring them to agree with you will never work. Step back and give them room to breathe.
